Wednesday, March 31, 2010
online rejection
because i am new in my town and through a series of unfortunate events ended up homeschooling my son, i haven't made a lot of friends. well, i tell myself those are the reasons for my lack of friends. and as a pathetic attempt to remedy this, i decided to join an online but local homeschooling group. as i perused the posts from other women in my area unfortunate enough to homeschool, i realized why i have such difficulty finding friends. i had ruled out several of the group members as potential friends based solely on their children's names. i know, this seems harsh. but seriously, i don't see my son mac getting together to obsess over video games with aspen and cedar. similarly, i ruled out several members based solely on their usernames, including cooksfromscratch, myhighercalling, birthchic (this one just grossed me out a little) and faith41jesus. i rejected another member because she was selling a book called "baking with whole grains," which she described as emphasizing "a biblical creation perspective." seriously? a book on baking with whole grains managed to squeeze in some biblical creation? i almost bought the book from her just to see how one might accomplish such a daunting writing task. but this is the problem with trying to find friends online - you don't see the whole package. in person, despite baking with whole grains, this person may actually dislike her kids, drink too much, and possess all of the other qualities i am looking for in a friend. i mean, afterall, she is selling the book. or maybe she bought the book to torture her children by feeding them whole grains and simultaneously emphasizing biblical creation. or maybe the book was a gift from a friend she met online, perhaps faith41jesus. so as i went down the list of group members, rejecting them one-by-one for their virtual flaws, i realized, i need to get out more. i am much more confident in my ability to reject people in person.
Monday, March 29, 2010
foreign distractions
today i decided to call myself a writer. and not just because i got this cool leather-bound journal that makes me look like a writer. i decided to call myself a writer because i have officially set myself up for rejection by a real literary agent. i emailed this agent that recently spoke at a writers conference in my area. i guess though if i were a real writer, i would have attended the conference. and if i were a real writer, i wouldn't be sitting here at starbucks, trying to write in my new fancy journal but completely distracted by the people beside me speaking a foreign language. sadly, i am not worldly enough to recognize the language - perhaps french? and really, they aren't bad looking people. but i believe that speaking another language, or speaking english with a heavy accent of almost any kind, automatically makes you more attractive. for instance, we recently went skiing and my son's ski instructor was very nice and not unattractive, although he did have a substantial gap between his front teeth. when he spoke, however, it was with a fantastic british accent. it occurred to me then that with an accent, you really can get away with more physical flaws than you can without an accent. had andy, the gap-toothed instructor, been from south georgia, he would have been nothing short of hideous. okay, that may be an exaggeration but you get my point - that if you are unattractive, you should move to another country where you might be more appreciated. and speaking of appreciated, i need to go and check my email for rejection, something that if i am going to be a real writer, i should get used to.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
green with irritation
i went for a run the other day in my new town. the run ended in 5-points, an area of town that thinks a lot of itself. because there is an earth fare (over-priced specialty grocery store) in 5-points, i decided on the spur of the moment to pick up my kids' organic gummy vitamins. but on the way to the vitamins, i picked up some fancy cheese, some special crackers, a bottled water (because i was thirsty) and a few other items. well, because it was on the spur of the moment, i did not bring my own grocery bags despite that i am an avid recycler and reuser - and by avid, i mean obsessive. so i put my items on the belt and the cashier rang them up and pushed them on down the line. i swiped my card and the transaction was complete. only my groceries were still sitting there on the giant silver tray. the tray that up to this point i had considered to be a holding area until the cashier or i placed the grocery items into a receptacle that i would then transport to my vehicle. however, no such receptacle presented itself. and the cashier looked at me and i at him until finally, the silence was broken by his statement that i could pay five cents for a bag or i could carry my groceries out without one. trying to explain to him that i usually brought bags was like trying to explain to the guy at the liquor store that all three six-packs were not for me. futile. we ended up compromising - apparently the cashier could provide me with a box to carry my purchased items in and then we would be reusing a box and the store would not charge me for that. so i took my box of organic and special things to my car and everyone was happy. well, happy might be an overstatement.
Friday, March 19, 2010
college kids
my husband steve and i had a date tonight. our plan was to go downtown and have dinner and then go to this bar and see a band that we have been wanting to see. unfortunately though, steve was on call for our date. we left our house at 6:30 and in the 15-minute drive to downtown athens, his phone rang no less than seven times. and as it turns out, someone had broken or severed or dislocated something or other and he had to go in and deal with it. rather than wait at his office, i decided i could better spend my time downtown. so he dropped me off.
spring break is over and the college kids are in abundance at all of the downtown bars at 7pm on a friday night. i stopped by the globe, a bar that has been on the corner of clayton and lumpkin for a million years and has beers from around the world. i had a local pale ale. as a side note, i was sitting in front of a sign that said (and i am quoting exactly) "we go to jail if we fail to check your ID. please have IDs ready when ordering alcohol." i wasn't carded. so i finished my ale and i headed over to the restaurant where we were planning to eat dinner, the last resort. i managed to secure a spot at the bar alone and immediately thereafter, a swarm of college girls descended on the bar, completely surrounding me. i didn't intend to eavesdrop, but i couldn't help myself, i was alone at the bar, surrounded by beautiful young girls chattering away - about nothing. the conversations were so stupid and meaningless that it made me quickly try to remember whether i, too, had had such stupid and meaningless conversations at bars while seated beside real people, desperate for a night out away from their children. i decided that my conversations may have only been slightly more meaningful. but it made me realize that i didn't want to be that young and stupid again. and that it is totally overrated. i mean really, when you take away the freedom, the friends and parties, the total lack of responsibility, the tighter, firmer skin, the perkier breasts, the thicker hair, the better attitudes, the ability to drink more and stay out later, the flat stomach and the ability to recover from a hangover by having a mcdonald's cheeseburger and a large coke, there really wasn't anything that special about it.
eventually steve arrived and after checking with the hostess and realizing we still had an hour and a half wait for our table and a babysitter on the clock, we decided to head on home. we picked up some pizza on the way and headed back to our more responsible and important lives.
spring break is over and the college kids are in abundance at all of the downtown bars at 7pm on a friday night. i stopped by the globe, a bar that has been on the corner of clayton and lumpkin for a million years and has beers from around the world. i had a local pale ale. as a side note, i was sitting in front of a sign that said (and i am quoting exactly) "we go to jail if we fail to check your ID. please have IDs ready when ordering alcohol." i wasn't carded. so i finished my ale and i headed over to the restaurant where we were planning to eat dinner, the last resort. i managed to secure a spot at the bar alone and immediately thereafter, a swarm of college girls descended on the bar, completely surrounding me. i didn't intend to eavesdrop, but i couldn't help myself, i was alone at the bar, surrounded by beautiful young girls chattering away - about nothing. the conversations were so stupid and meaningless that it made me quickly try to remember whether i, too, had had such stupid and meaningless conversations at bars while seated beside real people, desperate for a night out away from their children. i decided that my conversations may have only been slightly more meaningful. but it made me realize that i didn't want to be that young and stupid again. and that it is totally overrated. i mean really, when you take away the freedom, the friends and parties, the total lack of responsibility, the tighter, firmer skin, the perkier breasts, the thicker hair, the better attitudes, the ability to drink more and stay out later, the flat stomach and the ability to recover from a hangover by having a mcdonald's cheeseburger and a large coke, there really wasn't anything that special about it.
eventually steve arrived and after checking with the hostess and realizing we still had an hour and a half wait for our table and a babysitter on the clock, we decided to head on home. we picked up some pizza on the way and headed back to our more responsible and important lives.
Monday, January 4, 2010
2009, what a year!
Dear friends and family, I can't believe another year has passed us by. And what a year 2009 was. There is so much to tell. I will start with Steve - not only is his medical practice flourishing because he is a skilled and highly-regarded surgeon, he is also a wonderful father finding the time to coach both Mac's pole vaulting and travel soccer teams and work with Amelia on her pageant training. And can you believe, he still managed to hand-dig a pool in our back yard? He carved the stones for the decking himself from a boulder we found on our 17-acre estate. As you can see from the pictures, he is quite the mason.
I wish I could say that we had enjoyed the pool more, but between Amelia's horse shows (12 first place ribbons this year!) and Mac's travel soccer (he's team captain, again), they rarely have time for swimming, aside from the weekly meets at the country club.
And speaking of Amelia, puberty has finally set in and let me say, wow! We are going to have ourselves one rocking-hot teenager living under our roof soon. What a beauty! She is still making straight As at the Academy and when she isn't showing horses, she is doing community service as part of her duties as Miss Northeast-of-Atlanta PreTeen. We are very proud of her and her coach assures us she has a very promising future in pageanting.
Mac is still homeschooling until we can find a school that can accommodate his intelligence. After blowing the Mensa test out of the water (we don't know where he gets it!), he was able to refocus his energy and efforts on pole-vaulting and has developed quite a reputation in the North and Middle Georgia pole-vaulting community.
When I am not in the H3(my mobile office!), driving the kids from place to place, I like to spend time decorating - let's face it, 8300sq feet takes a lot of planning - not to mention fabric! I am still running regularly and am actually running (the Sante Fe Jingle Marathon!) while typing this up. So as you might guess, I stay pretty busy too.
I hope this letter finds you well and that your 2010 is as good as ours will be.
Have a blessed holiday season.
Nicole, Steve, Amelia & Mac
I wish I could say that we had enjoyed the pool more, but between Amelia's horse shows (12 first place ribbons this year!) and Mac's travel soccer (he's team captain, again), they rarely have time for swimming, aside from the weekly meets at the country club.
And speaking of Amelia, puberty has finally set in and let me say, wow! We are going to have ourselves one rocking-hot teenager living under our roof soon. What a beauty! She is still making straight As at the Academy and when she isn't showing horses, she is doing community service as part of her duties as Miss Northeast-of-Atlanta PreTeen. We are very proud of her and her coach assures us she has a very promising future in pageanting.
Mac is still homeschooling until we can find a school that can accommodate his intelligence. After blowing the Mensa test out of the water (we don't know where he gets it!), he was able to refocus his energy and efforts on pole-vaulting and has developed quite a reputation in the North and Middle Georgia pole-vaulting community.
When I am not in the H3(my mobile office!), driving the kids from place to place, I like to spend time decorating - let's face it, 8300sq feet takes a lot of planning - not to mention fabric! I am still running regularly and am actually running (the Sante Fe Jingle Marathon!) while typing this up. So as you might guess, I stay pretty busy too.
I hope this letter finds you well and that your 2010 is as good as ours will be.
Have a blessed holiday season.
Nicole, Steve, Amelia & Mac
Sunday, December 20, 2009
the christmas letter
you know what i love about the holidays? getting a really long letter from someone telling you how fabulous their life is. but sometimes, if you look closely, you can see through the glitz and get a glimpse of what is really going on. i got one such letter this season and i would like to share it with you. below is the letter, in its entirety, and word-for-word - because i can't make this shit up. i have, however, made a few comments, in brackets, and changed the names to hopefully keep these people from recognizing themselves in the event that they should stumble onto my blog now that it is in its new easy-to-find location at www.luckycharmsandbeer.com.
Hello to all our dear friends and family. Wow, I truly do not know where this year has gone, let alone that I turned 40 this year! [as a side note, this sentence makes no sense] Desi and I celebrated our 25th anniversary of marriage this year. We have been spending a little bit more time together since Desi's company has slowed down the work load. Desi also has had alot more time to work with Larry on his baseball skills and now with Curly's wrestling. Desi is really enjoying that!
Speaking of Larry, he is a ray of sunshine [if she does say so herself]. He is 13 and is always happy [oxymoron] and so conscientious. It makes mama proud that he is very neat too! He finished 7th grade with a very high average, a math award, and a science award, and so this year he was placed in advanced classes. We were not sure how he would do, but he is maintaining excellent grades. He is still playing travel baseball, which we all enjoy very much. He has pitched some great games and even won a "game ring."
Curly entered the high school this year after finishing the middle school with "a presidential award." [don't know what that is? well here, let her tell you] That award is given for always maintaining an A average throughout the entire 3 years. He too is in advanced classes and doing very well. He played on the football JV team as a wide receiver and now he is starting on the varsity wrestling team as a freshman. We are very proud of his accomplishments, especially dad who loves to share his experiences and knowledge of the sport with him. He finally decided to get a buzz cut and it looks great on him. He also got the braces off. What a hunk!
Moe is, yes indeed 21. He is still working at Publix part-time. He also works another part-time job and in between the two jobs, he is in his 3rd year in college. He obviously has little time for organized sports which is a shame because he is so talented, but he does play at leisure with his high school buddies. He does continue to work out in his little gym in his room. It has taken well over a year to learn to let go of my "little boy" and let me tell you, it is not easy! We are very proud of him and love him dearly.
As for me, I'm still in the same routine. I take the boys where they need to be and wash all of their uniforms. That is the down side to sports. I have started a new mural in the basement and I paint when I get the urge.
Well I hope this letter finds you doing well. We want to wish you all a Blessed Christmas and a very Blessed New Year.
Lucy, Desi, Larry, Curly and Moe
my interpretation of lucy's letter: desi is an alcoholic about to lose his job. larry has, at the tender young age of 13, discovered that he is gay. curly, the high school sports star and "hunk," has contracted at least one venereal disease and may or may not have fathered a child. moe smokes alot of pot, sometimes with his "high school buddies" and sometimes alone in his "little gym in his room." lucy is on the brink of a mental break - and why wouldn't she be? everyone else's lives are filled with academics, sports and friends and she is "in the same routine" washing uniforms.
i think it would be really refreshing to get my version of the christmas letter. in fact, i may just write my own.
Hello to all our dear friends and family. Wow, I truly do not know where this year has gone, let alone that I turned 40 this year! [as a side note, this sentence makes no sense] Desi and I celebrated our 25th anniversary of marriage this year. We have been spending a little bit more time together since Desi's company has slowed down the work load. Desi also has had alot more time to work with Larry on his baseball skills and now with Curly's wrestling. Desi is really enjoying that!
Speaking of Larry, he is a ray of sunshine [if she does say so herself]. He is 13 and is always happy [oxymoron] and so conscientious. It makes mama proud that he is very neat too! He finished 7th grade with a very high average, a math award, and a science award, and so this year he was placed in advanced classes. We were not sure how he would do, but he is maintaining excellent grades. He is still playing travel baseball, which we all enjoy very much. He has pitched some great games and even won a "game ring."
Curly entered the high school this year after finishing the middle school with "a presidential award." [don't know what that is? well here, let her tell you] That award is given for always maintaining an A average throughout the entire 3 years. He too is in advanced classes and doing very well. He played on the football JV team as a wide receiver and now he is starting on the varsity wrestling team as a freshman. We are very proud of his accomplishments, especially dad who loves to share his experiences and knowledge of the sport with him. He finally decided to get a buzz cut and it looks great on him. He also got the braces off. What a hunk!
Moe is, yes indeed 21. He is still working at Publix part-time. He also works another part-time job and in between the two jobs, he is in his 3rd year in college. He obviously has little time for organized sports which is a shame because he is so talented, but he does play at leisure with his high school buddies. He does continue to work out in his little gym in his room. It has taken well over a year to learn to let go of my "little boy" and let me tell you, it is not easy! We are very proud of him and love him dearly.
As for me, I'm still in the same routine. I take the boys where they need to be and wash all of their uniforms. That is the down side to sports. I have started a new mural in the basement and I paint when I get the urge.
Well I hope this letter finds you doing well. We want to wish you all a Blessed Christmas and a very Blessed New Year.
Lucy, Desi, Larry, Curly and Moe
my interpretation of lucy's letter: desi is an alcoholic about to lose his job. larry has, at the tender young age of 13, discovered that he is gay. curly, the high school sports star and "hunk," has contracted at least one venereal disease and may or may not have fathered a child. moe smokes alot of pot, sometimes with his "high school buddies" and sometimes alone in his "little gym in his room." lucy is on the brink of a mental break - and why wouldn't she be? everyone else's lives are filled with academics, sports and friends and she is "in the same routine" washing uniforms.
i think it would be really refreshing to get my version of the christmas letter. in fact, i may just write my own.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
the mountain house
a while back, i found myself talking to this very attractive and very typical "southern woman." you know the type - always looks perfect, has the perfect family, is always telling stories about her perfect life. i knew this was going to be a painful conversation because it started out with her telling me how busy she had been - so busy in fact, that she had not even gotten to her mountain house that season.
the story continued and somehow this girl managed to do the two things that irritate me more than anything else - yes, even more than talk of her mountain house - she subjected me to her religious beliefs and she tried to get me to buy into her pyramid home-business scheme. i'm sure you are wondering how she managed to get both of those things into one conversation. well, it went something like this:
(for purposes of this story, i will call her scarlett and her husband, rhett. also, this conversation took place poolside where i sat in my mom-tankini and she posed in her bikini, looking absolutely flawless (except for her ridiculously huge fake boobs) holding her 3-month-old baby that she did not adopt. i will refer to the cosmetic pyramid-scheme company as "pyramid scheme."
scarlett: i'm just so busy with the boys. i know you must be too since you are working part-time.
me: yeah.
scarlett: i can't imagine if i had finished residency how hard it would be to manage my career and the boys. and i felt really bad when i first wanted to quit residency. i worried that i had wasted all that time and money going to medical school only to quit residency. but then one day, it just hit me. i realized that god had not sent me to medical school to be a doctor. he had sent me to meet rhett.
me: yeah. (swallowing a little vomit)
scarlett: but rhett's practice is doing well and a friend told me about pyramid scheme, a home-based business. it's a great opportunity and i think you would be really good at it. rhett was skeptical at first, but after he went to the meeting with me, he saw what a great opportunity it was for me to be able to share great products with my friends and family and supplement his income. you would be great at it and it's the perfect way to work from home while your kids are little and need you.
me: hey, speaking of kids needing me, mine are drowning, so i should go. it was nice talking to you.
as i am looking for ways to work, from home or otherwise, i reflected on this conversation with scarlett. she truly presented a picture of having it all. and i wonder if she does or if like so many people, she is just better at marketing and selling her life to others than i am. i'm afraid that my pitch isn't nearly as impressive - i mean, how could it be? i don't even have a mountain house.
the story continued and somehow this girl managed to do the two things that irritate me more than anything else - yes, even more than talk of her mountain house - she subjected me to her religious beliefs and she tried to get me to buy into her pyramid home-business scheme. i'm sure you are wondering how she managed to get both of those things into one conversation. well, it went something like this:
(for purposes of this story, i will call her scarlett and her husband, rhett. also, this conversation took place poolside where i sat in my mom-tankini and she posed in her bikini, looking absolutely flawless (except for her ridiculously huge fake boobs) holding her 3-month-old baby that she did not adopt. i will refer to the cosmetic pyramid-scheme company as "pyramid scheme."
scarlett: i'm just so busy with the boys. i know you must be too since you are working part-time.
me: yeah.
scarlett: i can't imagine if i had finished residency how hard it would be to manage my career and the boys. and i felt really bad when i first wanted to quit residency. i worried that i had wasted all that time and money going to medical school only to quit residency. but then one day, it just hit me. i realized that god had not sent me to medical school to be a doctor. he had sent me to meet rhett.
me: yeah. (swallowing a little vomit)
scarlett: but rhett's practice is doing well and a friend told me about pyramid scheme, a home-based business. it's a great opportunity and i think you would be really good at it. rhett was skeptical at first, but after he went to the meeting with me, he saw what a great opportunity it was for me to be able to share great products with my friends and family and supplement his income. you would be great at it and it's the perfect way to work from home while your kids are little and need you.
me: hey, speaking of kids needing me, mine are drowning, so i should go. it was nice talking to you.
as i am looking for ways to work, from home or otherwise, i reflected on this conversation with scarlett. she truly presented a picture of having it all. and i wonder if she does or if like so many people, she is just better at marketing and selling her life to others than i am. i'm afraid that my pitch isn't nearly as impressive - i mean, how could it be? i don't even have a mountain house.
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