i live in the south where pine straw is used to fill flower beds. our beds were in need of filling and i found a guy who would deliver and lay the straw in my yard. i watch a lot of law and order svu, so i was pretty sure he was coming over under the pretense of delivering and laying pine straw, but with a well thought out plan to rape/torture/murder me and deposit my lifeless and potentially dismembered body in a ravine only to be discovered days later by an unsuspecting couple searching for the cell phone that the wife had tossed out the window of their car during an argument. but as it turned out, he came over to torture me in a different way - by talking to me about long-needle pine straw. here is an excerpt from that conversation (and i use the term "conversation" loosely):
straw man: this here's my dad. he works with me. we got long-needle pine straw. lot of places'll tell you they got long-needle pine straw but it ain't. they'll say it's long-needle, but it ain't long-needle. see this here - this is long-needle. see how long them needles are. an look, it bends first and then it breaks, that's long needle. it holds up a lot longer than straw that ain't long needle. and i got long-needle. now i got a hundred bales of it that i bought this morning for $3.50 a bale and i charge you $4 a bale. that's 50 cents a bale i make. cause i work for sweat. i'm out here working. you can ask my daddy [points at dad, who is actually laying pine straw]. he knows i'm honest with my work cause if i wat'n, i'd have to answer to him. now i'm going to have enough of this long-needle to do those two beds right there and those are the two you want me to do, right? cause if i have any left, i will do that one right there too but i'm gon do these two right here first to start with because those are the ones you told me that you wanted done first and then if i have any left over, i will do that one. now i can do more cause i got a hundred bales and it's all long-needle. an it's hard to find the long-needle. lot a places will say it's long needle.....
me: well it looks great. thank you.
straw man: that's cause the long needle just has a better color. now my brother does the same thing i do [and i am thinking, talks too much? repeats himself?]. he sells pine straw and he lays and rolls it just like i do. and my dad, he does masonry but he's helping me today. he's laying it around that bed now. the long-needle just looks better. and it lasts about 6 months. the other stuff falls apart and breaks up a lot sooner than that. but the long-needle is hard to find. i was excited when i found that truck this morning. i paid $3.50 a bale for it. but he only had a hundred bales. it's hard to find.
i nodded along, with the straw man still talking. and walked backwards for several steps while he continued to talk. and then i just turned away from him and walked into my house. within minutes, he was at the door asking if his dad could have some water - i am sure that having done most of the work himself, he was indeed thirsty. i obliged and as i gave the water to the straw man to give to his father, he started the entire conversation again. eventually, the straw man and his quiet, hard-working, hydrated dad packed up their things and left. finally, i was free to go outside and admire my long-needle pine straw. and i do think it looks nice. it's not surprising that it is so hard to find, because it looks nice. and it cost me $4 a bale. and i like it. because it's long-needle.
