we have lived in our house for nearly seven years and i decided we should probably do something with our septic tank because i have heard they need maintenance. what exactly maintenance entailed, i had no idea. so i asked a friend and got the name of a septic guy - darrell.
darrell showed up at the scheduled time and introduced himself, then asked me (i guess i should have seen this coming...) where the septic tank was located. i had no idea. darrell then asked "you got email?" i replied yes and he told me to call the health department and ask them to email me the information on file with the county about the location of my tank. he recited the number and i then explained to the nice woman at the environmental health department that i had darrell there with me and we needed to locate the tank. she agreed to email the document and then she said "tell darrell tammy says hey." i did.
the email came and i showed it to darrell and he took over my phone, zoomed in and out on the screen, called out a bunch of random numbers and then looked at me and said "whats that add up to?" not being aware that i was tallying, i told him i had no idea. darrell figured it all out without my help and started digging.
a little while later, he called me over and the conversation went like this:
darrell: i'm sick.
me: okay. is there anything i can do?
darrell: i got diarrhea.
me: oh no. what do you need?
darrell: i'm gon have to come back and finish the job next week.
me: that's absolutely fine. you do whatever you need to do.
darrell: (gathers his tools then stops what he was doing) whatchyou do for a living'?
me: well, i take pictures of cows and sell them, but i wouldn't exactly call it a living
darrell: cows? you know the bull man up on highway 15?"
me: (staring blankly, shaking my head no)
darrell: the bull man. you know, he inseminates cows all around here. they did a documentary about him. (he waited for me to realize i knew the bull man, but i failed him and he continued) me and my wife was in it. it did pretty good, made it to that sundance film festival. it was called dirty work.
me: wow, that's crazy.
darrell: i reckon people liked it cause jimmy kimmel wanted us to come on his show and sing the honeywagon song.
me: that's so cool. did you go?
darrell: yep. me and my wife and harold went to los angeles. they paid for the hotel and ever'thing. we was on there with hulk hogan and a chi-nese lady from that show lawst.
(then, an unexpected subject change, possibly due to an upset stomach reminder)
darrell: me and my wife ate out last night and i knew some'n wattin right after that. we ate at redds in jefferson. you been there?
me: no, i haven't.
darrell: you oughta try it. it's good.
not long after that, darrell packed up and headed home. he did return the following week and we talked more about family, politics, school and about his work. he said he loved his job and was proud that he had stuck with it and made a successful business. i agreed with him. not many people can say the same thing. i asked him the craziest thing he ever found in a septic tank and he said, without hesitation, "false teeth" and after some thought, "and a bunch a rubbers."
the only thing disappointing about my septic tank maintenance experience is that darrell won't need to come back for 3 to 5 years. i'm going to miss that guy.
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