the christmas letter

you know what i love about the holidays? getting a really long letter from someone telling you how fabulous their life is. but sometimes, if you look closely, you can see through the glitz and get a glimpse of what is really going on. i got one such letter this season and i would like to share it with you. below is the letter, in its entirety, and word-for-word - because i can't make this shit up. i have, however, made a few comments, in brackets, and changed the names to hopefully keep these people from recognizing themselves in the event that they should stumble onto my blog now that it is in its new easy-to-find location at www.luckycharmsandbeer.com.

Hello to all our dear friends and family. Wow, I truly do not know where this year has gone, let alone that I turned 40 this year! [as a side note, this sentence makes no sense] Desi and I celebrated our 25th anniversary of marriage this year. We have been spending a little bit more time together since Desi's company has slowed down the work load. Desi also has had alot more time to work with Larry on his baseball skills and now with Curly's wrestling. Desi is really enjoying that!

Speaking of Larry, he is a ray of sunshine [if she does say so herself]. He is 13 and is always happy [oxymoron] and so conscientious. It makes mama proud that he is very neat too! He finished 7th grade with a very high average, a math award, and a science award, and so this year he was placed in advanced classes. We were not sure how he would do, but he is maintaining excellent grades. He is still playing travel baseball, which we all enjoy very much. He has pitched some great games and even won a "game ring."

Curly entered the high school this year after finishing the middle school with "a presidential award." [don't know what that is? well here, let her tell you] That award is given for always maintaining an A average throughout the entire 3 years. He too is in advanced classes and doing very well. He played on the football JV team as a wide receiver and now he is starting on the varsity wrestling team as a freshman. We are very proud of his accomplishments, especially dad who loves to share his experiences and knowledge of the sport with him. He finally decided to get a buzz cut and it looks great on him. He also got the braces off. What a hunk!

Moe is, yes indeed 21. He is still working at Publix part-time. He also works another part-time job and in between the two jobs, he is in his 3rd year in college. He obviously has little time for organized sports which is a shame because he is so talented, but he does play at leisure with his high school buddies. He does continue to work out in his little gym in his room. It has taken well over a year to learn to let go of my "little boy" and let me tell you, it is not easy! We are very proud of him and love him dearly.

As for me, I'm still in the same routine. I take the boys where they need to be and wash all of their uniforms. That is the down side to sports. I have started a new mural in the basement and I paint when I get the urge.

Well I hope this letter finds you doing well. We want to wish you all a Blessed Christmas and a very Blessed New Year.

Lucy, Desi, Larry, Curly and Moe

my interpretation of lucy's letter: desi is an alcoholic about to lose his job. larry has, at the tender young age of 13, discovered that he is gay. curly, the high school sports star and "hunk," has contracted at least one venereal disease and may or may not have fathered a child. moe smokes alot of pot, sometimes with his "high school buddies" and sometimes alone in his "little gym in his room." lucy is on the brink of a mental break - and why wouldn't she be? everyone else's lives are filled with academics, sports and friends and she is "in the same routine" washing uniforms.

i think it would be really refreshing to get my version of the christmas letter. in fact, i may just write my own.