the forbidden topics

today i realized the limitations of my blog. there are so many topics about which i could write were it not for the fear of offending you, my burgeoning readership (i think i am up to one follower and two occasional (when prompted by me) checkers). i have so many opinions (and of course extremely clever and hilarious comments) on oh so many topics from politics to anal bleaching (actually, as far as i know, we may be safe talking about anal bleaching as none of my (3) friends has fessed up to doing this). but i simply can't write about them on my blog without worrying that i will lose a friend over it. case in point - recently, on facebook, a friend innocently posted a status update expressing her optimism at the swearing in of a new president. i replied (perhaps with a touch of sarcasm and bitterness) that i was not nearly as optimistic. i did clarify that i had no preference about who was in office and stated that i simply didn't share her optimism that this president would be any more successful than the last (i may have referenced unicorns and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow in my comments). and wow, who knew that people were so sensitive about their political delusions? she accused me of being a parade-rainer-oner, which i readily acknowledged, but this wasn't enough. she demanded a full-on apology for my negative comments and naturally, i declined - feeling no more need to be sorry for my sarcasm than for having brown hair or really long toes (actually, i am sorry about my toes).
but the point is, i would love to talk about breast implants and how it drives me crazy when a friend (or even an acquaintance that i see on a regular basis) won't admit to having had surgery - particularly when we are discussing things like cosmetic surgery or my recent trip to victoria's secret where i was told that they didn't have the miracle bra in a double A - okay, i am sorry, but if someone wearing a double A doesn't need a miracle, i just don't understand who does. and i would love to talk about things like how ridiculous i think it is that i know people who have spent as much money decorating their child's nursery as i spent on my last car or how i think it's crazy how many 3-year-olds i know with a social/activity calendar that is busier than mine or how i truly think that publix cupcakes suck and that fat tire beer is superior to boulevard wheat, but some topics are just too sensitive. and since i don't want to offend my readers, i will keep my opinions to myself.