get a job?

note from nicole: please forgive today's tone. it is more a series of complaints than my usual attempt at humorous essays. and yes, my usual entries are attempts at humorous essays for those of you who did not recognize that.

i'm so glad i got this law degree. i still owe sallie mae $35 grand for it and i have no job and consequently, no income. and thanks to my husband's career path, which moved us around the country in 4-5 year stints, my experience is all over the board, but with no concentration or expertise in any particular area. but i think what i love most about my law degree is the pressure to use the degree that having it automatically imposes. i used to think this was self-imposed pressure but i was wrong, other people are curious about my wasted degree as well. and while i did practice law collectively for around nine years, i never felt particularly drawn to it or maybe i just lacked ambition in general. nowadays though, i am thinking that i need a job. i mean a real job (i know i am going to piss off some stay-at-home moms with that one!). i know some of you may find this hard to believe, but i don't find taking care of children all that fulfilling. don't misunderstand, i love my kids and i am glad that i have spent lots of time with them up to this point, but i need something else. something that i can complete. something that someone might notice or god forbid, appreciate. something that can be checked off of a list. something more satisfying than getting the spaghetti stain off the baseball jersey. and i am not suggesting that parenting isn't challenging because few things are more so. the problem is that you never know if you did it right. if your child turns out okay, it may or may not have anything to do with the parenting decisions you made. and you rarely get any definitive reward - and as i said, when you do see something positive, as a parent, you would never give yourself credit for that, primarily because you know that you still could have done more. nothing is ever good enough with parenting. if you are feeding your kids fruits and vegetables, there are other parents who are feeding theirs all organic. if you limit tv to one hour a day, there is another family (weird though they may be) that doesn't own a tv. and i know you shouldn't look at how other parents are doing things to see how you measure up, but it's impossible not to - and besides, everyone else is judging you by those standards or so it seems. for instance, -and this is purely hypothetical, mac did not do this and embarrass us to no end- if you have a toddler that sneaks out of pizza joint in downtown augusta and runs for two blocks straight and is escorted back to the restaurant by a policeman, people judge you and your parenting skills. or if your child toddles out of your house and defecates in your neighbor's front yard - again, hypothetically speaking, as mac couldn't possibly have done this in broad daylight in the maxey's yard - people wonder why you aren't doing a better job.
maybe i am selfish for needing recognition or respect or a reward of some kind. that theory has been suggested. whatever the case may be, i need more. so perhaps i am more ambitious than i give myself credit for.