i was privy to a conversation the other day - well, perhaps not so much privy to as much as just eavesdropping on, but it doesn't seem fair to me to call it eavesdropping when the woman was talking loud enough for the entire store to hear. in any event, i had just entered this cute, but a little snooty, gift store and i was admiring the cute, but a little snooty, gifts when i heard this conversation, which may have ruined this and all other cute-but-snooty gift stores for me.
loud gift shop customer lady: (to her daughter) well, honey, i just don't know. what is grier's color scheme?
daughter: (says something but because she is speaking in a normal voice, i cannot hear the response)
loud gift shop customer lady: (to gift shop employee) the color scheme of her dorm room is white with black polka dots and fuchsia and orange accents.
after several minutes and a discussion of a variety of items, they seem to find something that compliments the "scheme" and then they enter the monogramming phase of the transaction. initials are discussed but after the daughter peruses grier's facebook page on her cell phone in a brilliant but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to ascertain grier's middle name, they decide to go with the full name, g-r-i-e-r (and not g-r-e-e-r and also not g-r-e-i-r). the purchase is made and loud gift shop customer lady and her daughter seem satisfied with their gift to grier. i, on the other hand, no longer see a store full of fancy knick-knacks. i see only things for grier and her dorm room - the little cups that say "i invited you over for cocktails, not dinner" no longer seem cute to me as they do not compliment black and white polka dots and they don't belong in a dorm room. and the little baby onesie that says "i'm fixin' to cry ya'll" seems somehow not good enough for grier's baby or inappropriate if she does not have one. in fact, nothing in the store seemed good enough for grier anymore. finally, i became disgusted with all of it and i left. plus, i got the text from my husband steve that i had been waiting for that he was ready for me to pick him up for lunch.
Nicole, for times like these, anything in the Glock family would work just fine. You could go with a model 26, small compact and 9mm to boot and will allow you the feeling of plugging each of them a couple of times to ensure they are sufficiently dead or you could go with a model 23 even, which i'm sure you know (growing up in the south) is a .40 Cal and would easily kill "Mitsy & her Mum" with one shot each.
ReplyDeleteIf you had a big brother i would not keep having to repeat myself, or if you had taken my previous advise and were just falling down drunk all the time the obnoxious "i want everyone to hear me being rich" talk of "mitsy and mum" would amuse rather than annoy.
However as you probably don't want to call some lady named "MEL" your cell mate for the next 10 years i suggest you not shoot anyone and choose to slash 2 of their tires so their car would have to be towed rather than calling for a tire changet service... it's hard to be snooty when talking to a tow truck driver, probably named "mel" also, and you can sit back, take a shot from your flask and know God's work has been done by you today.
I can't believe Grier was not registered for her dorm room decor. Scandalous! Do you remember when we went to Georgia we bought our matching sheets and comforters at Kmart? I actually still have mine. Scary... I've become a middle aged woman with a 20 year old blanket in her closet.
ReplyDeletei remember some hideous flannel sheets with sheep on them. and i loved them.
ReplyDeleteSeems a bit harsh. i mean I don't get what hacked you off so much. Unless of course it was the fact that some poor girl had black polka dots and orange and purple/pink in her dorm room.
ReplyDeleteand for Chist's sake, will someone smarter than me tell me how to post without being anonymous?
-Matt
i loved this post. nuf said.
ReplyDelete